I turned 33 about 2 weeks ago. I have this crazy birthday curse. Going back to childhood. my birthdays just sucked and something horrible always had to happen on or around my birthday. Its a damn curse. That’s why I never celebrate my birthday. But this year was different. I was thinking you know… I bet this is my year. This is the year we can celebrate Me! This is the year I can feel special and happy and have it be all about Me! My birthday! THIS WILL BE MY YEAR TO BREAK THE CURSE! Lets just take a moment to laugh at me and my optimism.
This was not the year.
Wait. Scratch that. This years birthday was actually really great. I was going to go into the story about the horrible turn of events that happened… but in doing so, I had typed “It was amazing in the sense that I got to see peoples true colors.”
Now, I meant that in a way where I got to see how people really felt about me. For good and bad. I got to see and feel the level of love and respect others have for me. Most respect me a lot, a few respect me a little, and one person in particular didn’t respect me at all. And it was that one person who made me feel that this was not my year to end the birthday curse.
But like I said, it’s amazing when you see people for who they really are and how they really feel about you. It’s a very bright silver lining on a dark cloud.
I think the best part of my birthday was just how many people went out of their way to make this the best birthday ever for me and to show me how much they truly care about me. Just feeling the effort and love that everyone put into making my day special was inspiring. And it’s this that I draw from
I’m not going to say that it’s an awesome feeling when people you trusted betrayed you in ways you never thought possible. I’m not going to say it’s been easy dealing with all the aftermath from others thoughts, opinions and judgments. Or having people I thought I could trust turn on me quickly and effortlessly. Its been horribly rough dealing with all the feelings and emotions that come along with that.
I was in a really dark emotional place for a minute. I was dwelling – and still catch myself – feeling hurt, bitter, angry, negative. Which is normal after experiencing this. But it’s like magic, whenever I catch myself retreating someone always reaches out with love and helps me into a better place. I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me.
So cheers to ending that chapter. And starting a new, better chapter in my life. I wouldn’t change any of it because after all it’s the previous chapters of our lives that lead into the next and complete the final story.
Someday my story will come to an end. I have many more chapters to write. Adventures to have and heartbreaks to endure. But one thing I know, is that I finally broke the birthday curse.
I hate panic attacks.
I really, really hate panic attacks.
I have panic disorder so I get them pretty consistently. but I went through this hypnotherapy and non-traditional type of therapies to be able to breathe through them. Most of the time people don’t even realize I am having them. They are managed and usually not an issue unless I have to fly. Flying seriously throws them into a ten xanax plus six shots of whiskey type of manage.
Other times, shit just happens in my life and it’s like oh, I’m having difficulty.
THEN oh my gawd something happens and I can’t fucking manage. I go into a corner. Can’t breathe. Have irrational fears. Start shaking. Sometimes crying and the whole world closes in.
So that’s me right now.
I need some serious xanax. But since my doctor retired because of the stupid obamacare regulations, I’m currently out of my prescription. I need to find a new doctor stat.
I would go right now to an urgent clinic, but 1) they treat me like I’m a pill popper and 2) I can’t drive like this. I can barely type this out. Just doing a million breathing and relaxation techniques that aren’t really helping.
It happens to everyone, in every aspect, at some point in their life.
Some handle it better than others.
Then some handle it like me.
A complete and utter breakdown resulting in anxiety and obsessive behavior. I’m pretty good at just not giving a fuck most of the time.
But sometimes it’s different.
Like right now.
I hate allowing myself to feel things as a direct result of someone else.
So fuck it.
When I read We, The People? it really hit home. I’ve been feeling this way for a very long time. I’ve written about it here and here before. I know that a lot of Americans have been feeling the same way also.
The idea that we start becoming We The People rather than what we have now is an incredibly impressive undertaking because;
We The People have been collectively reduced down to soundbytes and 140 characters.
We The People have become so accustomed to a “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality that we can’t even understand what a true compromise is.
We The People rely on commentary for decision making rather than information.
We The People have been reduced down to finger pointing, name calling, and complete lack of civility.
We The People have lost what meaningful, logical and respectful debate is.
We The People have had our sacred Honor stripped from us.
The Republicans vs. Democrats vs. Right vs. Left vs. establishment vs. grassroots needs to stop. We need to stop feeding the people that line their pockets off our divisiveness.
We The People need to rise above what we have been reduced to.
We The People need to check our egos and party affiliations at the door.
We The People need accept that we are not always going to agree with each other, but we will be heard with respect and understanding.
We The People have more in common than what divides us.
This is the exact idea that scares the pundits, the leaders, the lobbyists, the politicians, the lackeys;
We The People will restore our sacred Honor.
the last line of Declaration of Independence;
…..we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
“Mommy I’m going to throw up.” He said as we all sat on the couch. It’s that split second mommy thinking – which is quicker – grab a bowl or carry him to the bathroom? I opted to carry him to the bathroom. I had not been feeling the greatest either and had my hair done about two hours prior. I’m rushing him down the hall and the Kidd just lets loose. A massive explosion of half digested chicken ‘n stars soup, all over me and all over the floor. And all over my pretty new salon hair.
Then I puked. All over him. He starts freaking out.
The hubs comes to clean up our mess. He starts puking.
The dog runs in and starts trying to eat it.
The Girl starts crying and trying to run through it.
I get the Kidd in the shower, he starts puking in there.
Hubs makes me decide to either take the Girl or clean the mess. duh, I’m taking the Girl. As I pick her up and cradle her on my hip, she nuzzles up and pukes into my hair.
That was twenty minutes of my Thursday night and the death of my pretty hair.
Hey Lindsey Stalkers.
Have you missed me………..Or did you just totally forget about me?
My feelings are hurt. Not really. But if it makes you send me yummy treats or those stiletto Louboutins I’ve been dying for, then by all means my feelings are hurt.
I gotta admit that it’s feeling good to have my blog up live again. Let’s discuss for a quick second why my blog went down and my twitter went private. Around here we had a little bit of an issue about a company moving in that treated the mentally ill. My neighbors were very passionately against this company doing business here. I was not, and thought it was pretty unfair the way some were treating the mentally ill people in this program. As with all highly passionate issues, people get mean and angry. I experienced that first hand in person and online with some members of this group. However, I have also had very positive conversations and dialogue with other members of the group that were positive.
The issue has settled down some, the group has taken to political lobbying over name calling and hate speech. So I’m happy.
And with that………………..
I went out with one of my mommy friends the other night. Our kids are roughly the same age. We talked about potty training, tantrums, eating habits, preschool, whether the kids will really know if we don’t buy the name brand mac n cheese. All typical parenting gab session type of stuff. The conversation moved towards education and I started talking about how ridiculous Kindergarten in my area is.
“If I want all day Kindergarten its $300 a month, and if I do the am or pm option, then it’s only 2 hours with every other Friday off. My son goes to preschool longer than that now. That’s why I’m hoping McKenna gets in.”
“Who is McKenna?” she asked. I did a double-take, and was pretty baffled. “How do you not know who Rob McKenna is?”
“Is it someone I’m supposed to vote for? Because I’m not even registered.” Face to Palm. I’ve had this conversation way too many times before.
This is the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise productive members of society. You need to be concerned with voting because it’s one of the single most important decisions you can make for your child’s future. The people you vote into office and the policies they support directly create the environment and future of your child.
I was in high school in the late ‘90s when meth started making its way into schools and my community. I saw people destroyed by it. Good people. I saw early on that meth has no place in our communities. I don’t want to live in an environment where meth labs thrive. That’s why I’m voting for Rob McKenna. As Attorney General he made Washington state safer with his “Operation: Allied Against Meth” task force. Every year he has been in office we have seen a dramatic decrease in meth labs and toxic dump sites. The task force isn’t just a ‘find the bad guys’ platform, It focuses on education, prevention, awareness, legislation and advocacy. It also focuses on interdepartmental workings of the various law enforcement agencies. McKenna recognized a problem and handled it responsibly, effectively and efficiently. He did not handle it the politics-as-usual way: Throw a Lot of Money at the Problem, Hope It Goes Away. His approach in taking on the meth problem is one of the many reasons I feel comfortable raising my children in Washington state.
Our state has suffered from continual budget shortfalls in the last four years. That followed a period of extraordinary budget growth, but during that time, our education budget allocation has dropped from 51% to 43% over the past several years. It’s not that we don’t have the money to fund education, it’s that our leaders in Olympia decided that nearly everything else was a higher priority.
Parents, we need to start taking an active role in who we are voting into office. We can’t decrease education funding anymore. We need to stop wasting money. We need a responsible, logical, clear thinking Governor who puts the safety and the future well-being of the citizens first and foremost. We need Rob McKenna as our next Washington Governor.
I had tweeted one night about how I was making ghetto pierogis. I got a ton of “WTF IS THAT?” Well, it’s easy, delicious, it’s easy for the kids to help make it and they LOVE it. Piddy always asks for them and Missie always eats her weight in them.
Pierogis traditionally are a Polish pasta dumpling filled with a seasoned potato filling. Boiled then baked or fried. They are delicious. Time consuming for fresh ones and the frozen ones just bleh. I love pierogis, but good ones are hard to find.
Here is the basic recipe. I trust that you are smart enough to figure out how and what to change.
* Mashed potatoes. (I like IDAHOAN brand Loaded Baked Potato mashed potato – but hey, feel free to also make your own and season them accordingly.)
* Jumbo pasta shells.
* Packet of some pre-made creamy pasta sauce I usually buy one of these Knorr Pasta Sauce (Once again, feel free to make your own creamy pasta sauce.)
** I also like to add either chopped bacon, italian sausage, spinach, roasted red peppers, fresh basil, caramelized onion, etc to the potatoes or sauce.
- Prepare pasta shells according to direction. Drain, set aside to dry.
- Make the potatoes according to package (or your own recipe), mix in any add ins, such as bacon or onions.
- Put the mashed potatoes in a ziploc bag. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
- Make the pasta sauce according to the recipe. set aside.
- Clip the tip off the ziploc bag so its now a piping bag.
- Pour a little sauce into the bottom of a baking dish.
- Pipe the mash potatoes into the shells, giving them a little squeeze so the potato sticks to the side of the pasta shell. Align them with the potato facing upwards.
- When all of them are done, pour sauce all over the top and bake for 15-20 minutes.