The Split

(originally written February 7, 2015, updated January 7, 2016)

It started pretty inconsequential really. Just a conversation about life. About what we wanted out of life. How we feel about things, how we deal with things, and then I said “I want someone to bury a body with me.” My hubs thought about it. He looked at me with sad eyes and said that wasn’t him. He said “I want someone that won’t create bodies” Which is me. That’s what I do. I create conflicts, I make sure my opinion is voiced and I will stand up to anyone. Over the years it’s been pretty weighing on both of us. Each conflict making us a little bit more bitter towards each other. I love him very much. I will always love him. My hubs is amazing. But we are, and always have been polar opposites. We’ve made it work really well, we’ve been really happy, but we realized we just werent anymore. “Are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?” He said. I started crying. He started crying. There we were crying together wondering what the fuck to do now.

I went and talked with my mom. Which she loves hubs more than she loves me. So I heard how horrible I was, and that she wished she would have tried harder with my dad and that my dad and her had a great marriage. No. Just No. That was a rotten pack of lies. My parents marriage was anything but great or perfect. Well, Ok, they did create me so I guess there was something perfect that did come out of it. I remember fighting, I remember hostility, I remember a complete fear of an impending eruption. I’m sure it was my moms way of trying to help the situation but all she did is solidify hubs and I were making the right one.

We decided that it would be better for the kids and us to break it off clean. With the commitment to always co-parent, work together and put our kiddos first.

UPDATE: It’s been over a year now since the hubs and I split. We have stayed true to our original commitment and it has been going really well for the kids. I’m really happy with our relationship. I’ve always been concerned and still am, about the effects on the kids. Xhubs and I talk daily and we haven’t noticed any negative changes with the kids, such tantrums, backtalking, outbursts, anxiety, etc. We’ve actually noticed very positive changes. The kids are very open with us about how they are feeling and with questions they have. We talk openly with the kiddos and each other about our split and feelings. Xhubs and I did anticipate and discuss at great lengths how we were going to approach their questions and feelings so that we were on the same page. I’ll save how we have done it for another post. It’s pretty in depth. We may not have done it ‘by the book’ but so far a year later, I can say that the way we did it and have since handled it, is perfect for our family.

Mean Girls Facebook Commentary


My King refused to watch Mean Girls. So everyday I would post a mean girls quote on his page until he watched it. I’m kind of a dick like that. One day I posted the above meme. His mom’s BFF got super mad and had this this say


To which I responded with the following:

I’m not exactly sure what parts of the meme are qualified as shit that Nic shouldn’t approve of. It’s axiomatic that the best modern humor has been derived from offensive, stereotypes, politically incorrect and taboo topics. The meme is not just an attempt at humor derived from a movie quote to belittle Michelle Bachmann. The meme addresses the more serious social, political and cultural perceptions that are prevalent within our society. The movie Mean Girls, while intended as a teen comedy, was based on the non-fiction book Queen Bees and Wannabes. The book is a guide for parents of teenage girls to help navigate the damaging effects of cliques, gossip, stereotypes, and interpersonal relationships, which is the main theme of Mean Girls. The movie opens with the protagonist, Cady Heron narrating that she is finally going to her first day of real school. She is the daughter of two zoologists who have home schooled her in Africa for the last 15 years. She directly addresses the initial judgment society holds when confronted with hearing someone is/has been homeschooled. “I know what you’re thinking, Home school kids are freaks” the movie cuts to an overly excited antisocial nerd girl, and Cady continues “Or that we are overly religious or something.” the movie cuts to the children (whose image you see on the meme) where one says “And on the 3rd day God created the Remington bolt action rifle to kill the dinosaurs… And the homosexuals. Amen” Now, this taken as a serious statement is rightfully offensive, but it’s a typical display of the normal and inaccurate perceptions associated with homeschooling and overly religious. The childrens appearance and speech is purposefully made to demonstrate a lower socioeconomic status. The disheveled appearance, flannel, anti science, homophobic and clinging to their guns mentality. The meme itself, is an example of popular culture amalgamating political and social issues into a complex observation on Michelle Bachmann’s personal life, political policies and beliefs. Michelle Bachmann homeschooled her five biological children, her use of Generation Joshua- A group of politically activated homeschooled kids – were credited with her re-election to congress. She has a firm Evangelical religious stance, where she has promoted creationism only teachings, supports a constitutional ban on homosexual marriage, and pro gun legislation. She is essentially being mocked as the overly religious homeschooled stereotype.

She never responded to me.
Don’t fuck with Mean Girls.
Best. Movie. Ever.
This is for you @MCCountChill and @nochiefs

Birthday Curse

Le Sigh….

I turned 33 about 2 weeks ago. I have this crazy birthday curse. Going back to childhood. my birthdays just sucked and something horrible always had to happen on or around my birthday. Its a damn curse. That’s why I never celebrate my birthday. But this year was different. I was thinking you know… I bet this is my year. This is the year we can celebrate Me! This is the year I can feel special and happy and have it be all about Me! My birthday! THIS WILL BE MY YEAR TO BREAK THE CURSE! Lets just take a moment to laugh at me and my optimism.

This was not the year.

Wait. Scratch that. This years birthday was actually really great. I was going to go into the story about the horrible turn of events that happened… but in doing so, I had typed “It was amazing in the sense that I got to see peoples true colors.”

Now, I meant that in a way where I got to see how people really felt about me. For good and bad. I got to see and feel the level of love and respect others have for me. Most respect me a lot, a few respect me a little, and one person in particular didn’t respect me at all. And it was that one person who made me feel that this was not my year to end the birthday curse.

But like I said, it’s amazing when you see people for who they really are and how they really feel about you. It’s a very bright silver lining on a dark cloud.

I think the best part of my birthday was just how many people went out of their way to make this the best birthday ever for me and to show me how much they truly care about me. Just feeling the effort and love that everyone put into making my day special was inspiring. And it’s this that I draw from

I’m not going to say that it’s an awesome feeling when people you trusted betrayed you in ways you never thought possible. I’m not going to say it’s been easy dealing with all the aftermath from others thoughts, opinions and judgments. Or having people I thought I could trust turn on me quickly and effortlessly. Its been horribly rough dealing with all the feelings and emotions that come along with that.

I was in a really dark emotional place for a minute. I was dwelling – and still catch myself – feeling hurt, bitter, angry, negative. Which is normal after experiencing this. But it’s like magic, whenever I catch myself retreating someone always reaches out with love and helps me into a better place. I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me.

So cheers to ending that chapter. And starting a new, better chapter in my life. I wouldn’t change any of it because after all it’s the previous chapters of our lives that lead into the next and complete the final story.

Someday my story will come to an end. I have many more chapters to write. Adventures to have and heartbreaks to endure. But one thing I know, is that I finally broke the birthday curse.

Panic Attack City.

I hate panic attacks.

I really, really hate panic attacks.

I have panic disorder so I get them pretty consistently. but I went through this hypnotherapy and non-traditional type of therapies to be able to breathe through them. Most of the time people don’t even realize I am having them. They are managed and usually not an issue unless I have to fly. Flying seriously throws them into a ten xanax plus six shots of whiskey type of manage.

Other times, shit just happens in my life and it’s like oh, I’m having difficulty.

THEN oh my gawd something happens and I can’t fucking manage. I go into a corner. Can’t breathe. Have irrational fears. Start shaking. Sometimes crying and the whole world closes in.

So that’s me right now.

I need some serious xanax. But since my doctor retired because of the stupid obamacare regulations, I’m currently out of my prescription. I need to find a new doctor stat.

I would go right now to an urgent clinic, but 1) they treat me like I’m a pill popper and 2) I can’t drive like this. I can barely type this out. Just doing a million breathing and relaxation techniques that aren’t really helping.

right now.


It happens to everyone, in every aspect, at some point in their life.

Some handle it better than others.

Then some handle it like me.

A complete and utter breakdown resulting in anxiety and obsessive behavior. I’m pretty good at just not giving a fuck most of the time.

But sometimes it’s different.

Like right now.

I hate allowing myself to feel things as a direct result of someone else.

So fuck it.

We The People

@FoolishReporter and @AnonSikko worked together to create a document titled We, The People? It was originally posted on pastebin, and later on FoolishReporters blog.

When I read We, The People? it really hit home. I’ve been feeling this way for a very long time. I’ve written about it here and here before. I know that a lot of Americans have been feeling the same way also.

The idea that we start becoming We The People rather than what we have now is an incredibly impressive undertaking because;

We The People have been collectively reduced down to soundbytes and 140 characters.
We The People have become so accustomed to a “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality that we can’t even understand what a true compromise is.
We The People rely on commentary for decision making rather than information.
We The People have been reduced down to finger pointing, name calling, and complete lack of civility.
We The People have lost what meaningful, logical and respectful debate is.
We The People have had our sacred Honor stripped from us.

The Republicans vs. Democrats vs. Right vs. Left vs. establishment vs. grassroots needs to stop. We need to stop feeding the people that line their pockets off our divisiveness.

We The People need to rise above what we have been reduced to.

We The People need to check our egos and party affiliations at the door.

We The People need accept that we are not always going to agree with each other, but we will be heard with respect and understanding.

We The People have more in common than what divides us.

This is the exact idea that scares the pundits, the leaders, the lobbyists, the politicians, the lackeys;

We The People will restore our sacred Honor.

the last line of Declaration of Independence;

…..we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.






Puke Party of Four

“Mommy I’m going to throw up.” He said as we all sat on the couch. It’s that split second mommy thinking – which is quicker – grab a bowl or carry him to the bathroom? I opted to carry him to the bathroom. I had not been feeling the greatest either and had my hair done about two hours prior. I’m rushing him down the hall and the Kidd just lets loose. A massive explosion of half digested chicken ‘n stars soup, all over me and all over the floor. And all over my pretty new salon hair.

Then I puked. All over him. He starts freaking out.

The hubs comes to clean up our mess. He starts puking.

The dog runs in and starts trying to eat it.

The Girl starts crying and trying to run through it.

I get the Kidd in the shower, he starts puking in there.

Hubs makes me decide to either take the Girl or clean the mess. duh, I’m taking the Girl. As I pick her up and cradle her on my hip, she nuzzles up and pukes into my hair.

That was twenty minutes of my Thursday night and the death of my pretty hair.



I’m Baaaaack!!!

Hey Lindsey Stalkers.

Have you missed me………..Or did you just totally forget about me?

My feelings are hurt. Not really. But if it makes you send me yummy treats or those stiletto Louboutins I’ve been dying for, then by all means my feelings are hurt.

I gotta admit that it’s feeling good to have my blog up live again. Let’s discuss for a quick second why my blog went down and my twitter went private. Around here we had a little bit of an issue about a company moving in that treated the mentally ill. My neighbors were very passionately against this company doing business here. I was not, and thought it was pretty unfair the way some were treating the mentally ill people in this program. As with all highly passionate issues, people get mean and angry. I experienced that first hand in person and online with some members of this group. However, I have also had very positive conversations and dialogue with other members of the group that were positive.

The issue has settled down some, the group has taken to political lobbying over name calling and hate speech. So I’m happy.

And with that………………..

I’m Back.