(originally written February 7, 2015, updated January 7, 2016)
It started pretty inconsequential really. Just a conversation about life. About what we wanted out of life. How we feel about things, how we deal with things, and then I said “I want someone to bury a body with me.” My hubs thought about it. He looked at me with sad eyes and said that wasn’t him. He said “I want someone that won’t create bodies” Which is me. That’s what I do. I create conflicts, I make sure my opinion is voiced and I will stand up to anyone. Over the years it’s been pretty weighing on both of us. Each conflict making us a little bit more bitter towards each other. I love him very much. I will always love him. My hubs is amazing. But we are, and always have been polar opposites. We’ve made it work really well, we’ve been really happy, but we realized we just werent anymore. “Are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?” He said. I started crying. He started crying. There we were crying together wondering what the fuck to do now.
I went and talked with my mom. Which she loves hubs more than she loves me. So I heard how horrible I was, and that she wished she would have tried harder with my dad and that my dad and her had a great marriage. No. Just No. That was a rotten pack of lies. My parents marriage was anything but great or perfect. Well, Ok, they did create me so I guess there was something perfect that did come out of it. I remember fighting, I remember hostility, I remember a complete fear of an impending eruption. I’m sure it was my moms way of trying to help the situation but all she did is solidify hubs and I were making the right one.
We decided that it would be better for the kids and us to break it off clean. With the commitment to always co-parent, work together and put our kiddos first.
UPDATE: It’s been over a year now since the hubs and I split. We have stayed true to our original commitment and it has been going really well for the kids. I’m really happy with our relationship. I’ve always been concerned and still am, about the effects on the kids. Xhubs and I talk daily and we haven’t noticed any negative changes with the kids, such tantrums, backtalking, outbursts, anxiety, etc. We’ve actually noticed very positive changes. The kids are very open with us about how they are feeling and with questions they have. We talk openly with the kiddos and each other about our split and feelings. Xhubs and I did anticipate and discuss at great lengths how we were going to approach their questions and feelings so that we were on the same page. I’ll save how we have done it for another post. It’s pretty in depth. We may not have done it ‘by the book’ but so far a year later, I can say that the way we did it and have since handled it, is perfect for our family.